Anger

Anger. What comes up for you when you see the word, hear the word, or experience the word "angry?" 

It's a bit more understandable than some of those "other" feelings and emotions right? Here's my theory on anger. 

It's a secondary emotion. 

But wait... What exactly does that mean?

It's the emotion that we can "deal" with. It's the one that others can "deal" with. It's okay and socially acceptable to be angry. 

But it's more than being angry. Anger gets all the credit. What's underneath your anger? What are you stuffing back inside of you only to have exploding back out more intensely and strongly? It's not anger. That's the easy answer. 

It's that "stuff" under the anger that we don't want to deal with. It's the hurt, sadness, frustration, disappointment, and loneliness (just to name a few) that we are really feeling. Lord help me though if I actually say how I am truly feeling and watch people run for the hills! But anger? Anger we can "deal" with. We can conceptualize that easier and rationalize that concept easier if we focus on that secondary emotion instead of being honest with ourselves about what is going on with us. 

Think about it, how do you respond if someone tells you they are in emotional pain or despair, that they are feeling lonely. Do you get uncomfortable? What does that bring up for you? 

Now what if someone tells you they are angry.... Do you go into problem solving mode or tell them they should or shouldn't feel angry? Are you more comfortable with someone telling you that they are angry instead of lonely? Be honest with ourself now. 

I honestly sometimes even question if anger is really even an emotion! (Only sometimes folks, don't get angry with me!) When a client tells me they are angry, I ask them what is underneath that angry and begin to focus on that. Identifying and processing those underlying feelings.... Get past that initial reaction of being angry. What's really going on? 

Ok, so how do I deal with the anger that's going on? First, if possible, try to figure out what really is going on underneath that anger. Where do you feel those feelings? Can you sit with those feelings and ride the wave of emotions? I promise you the feelings will not last forever, it will subside. 

If sitting with those feelings are too uncomfortable or you need to expel some of that energy, here are some healthy coping skills to help move that energy outside of your body so that it doesn't build. 

1. Punching bag

2. Write out who or what is upsetting you and either rip it up, burn it (safely and supervised of course!), or.... Stick the paper in the freezer and give them time to "cool off." 

3.  Buy some plates from a dollar store, put them in some pillow cases and smash them! Again, please be safe and obtain parent permission if needed!!!

4. Buy some eggs and throw them at a tree. 

5. Buy some Orbies (water jelly beads) and throw them against a hard surface. 

6. Go for a run. 

7. Breathe. 

8. Take it out on your yoga mat! 

Talking about yoga, I often get asked about where I take yoga and where I go to get resources related to all things yoga, especially since I've started yoga teacher training... For all things related to yoga, check out http://myyogascene.com/ 

What other coping skills help you regulate your anger? And if you are under 18 and reading this blog, do NOT forget to obtain your guardian's permission for use of the above recommended coping skills.