Authentic. Showing Up. Living Life. Striving.

"Move on" or "I need to move on from this." Or even worse...the dreaded "you should just move on!" Phrases we commonly hear these days when we've encountered something difficult or traumatic in our lives.  But how do we do this? A few months ago, I decided I was quite annoyed by this phrase. I don't like the idea of "moving on" as it feels as if I'm leaving something (or someone behind). I also don't believe in regrets. Every choice I've made, every difficult situation I've encountered has been a part of who I am today and what has helped me to be where I am today.  With loss, there's the notion that we are expected to "move on." How can we do that when the loss is so significant that we can't possibly imagine how to do that! To me, it seems and feels, that I'm leaving the person behind, that I'm also somehow betraying that person and their memory. (More on that topic later though) So the way I se...

Doing versus being. This conflict has been brought to my attention often recently. One of my amazing yoga teachers, Doug Johnson, has also been talking about this conflict and I thought I'd add my two cents to it.  I personally feel that our society is caught up in "doing." We numb with busyness. How much, how fast, and how successful we can describe ourselves has become the norm for how we define ourselves.  It's not enough our kids are in 2 sports and AP classes, they have excel in every single aspect of their lives! Do do do! I know I have been EXTRMELY guilty of numbing with being busy. I've often worked multiple jobs and been lucky to have 1 day off a week. Why? What for? What am I really trying to accomplish?  I decided that I would like to focus on "being" after trauma and tragedy hit my personal life it literally made me stop and evaluate everything in my life. I mean everything. It made me question everything I thought to be true and held close ...

Anger. What comes up for you when you see the word, hear the word, or experience the word "angry?"  It's a bit more understandable than some of those "other" feelings and emotions right? Here's my theory on anger.  It's a secondary emotion.  But wait... What exactly does that mean? It's the emotion that we can "deal" with. It's the one that others can "deal" with. It's okay and socially acceptable to be angry.  But it's more than being angry. Anger gets all the credit. What's underneath your anger? What are you stuffing back inside of you only to have exploding back out more intensely and strongly? It's not anger. That's the easy answer.  It's that "stuff" under the anger that we don't want to deal with. It's the hurt, sadness, frustration, disappointment, and loneliness (just to name a few) that we are really feeling. Lord help me though if I actually say how I am truly feeling and wa...

What do you think of when you hear the word surrender?  Giving up, losing, quitting... I'm sure we could list countless more definitions. My own therapist once told me to "surrender and drift." My initial response to this was "what the....." Give up and give in? No thank you! Not me! I don't like to lose and I'm very competitive. I was receptive to the drifting part, but surrender? Please.  Until I looked up the definition of surrender. Well, here it is... "cease resistance to an enemy or opponent and submit to their authority" Cease resistance.  I like that part. Stop fighting things out of of control. Stop struggling and fusing and over identifying with difficult and dark emotions. Many of us have come to believe that emotions are the enemy. They are not! Our behaviors and reactions are what aren't always healthy or safe. I know personally that when I stop resisting my anxiety and begin to accept it, the level of my anxi...

So a few weeks ago, I took a poll among my friends and asked them to let me know the first word that they thought of when they heard the word "yoga." The following is a list of responses I received: Peace  Happiness Mindfulness Relaxing Pants 😋 Flexibility Bent Stretching Namaste Breath Calm Balance Centered Control Strength  Goodness Surrender Play Of note, more playful responses included Yogi Bear, mat, station wagons, tattoos and some others that were more PG13. ☺️ Additionally, most people that responded to this question, to my knowledge, have little experience with a longstanding yoga practice.  So why did I ask this question? As a therapist and now a yoga teacher in training, I'm starting to make more and more connections between what people are searching for in their lives and what yoga (and a good therapist) can offer them!  Our world seems to be the exact opposite of what we are striving for. As a society,...

Lately this phrase has been bothering me. Be strong. We tell people to "be strong" when they are going through a difficult time. I have recently gone through a very difficult time in my personal life and have been told countless times how "strong" I am... And if I'm honest I think we tell people to be strong when we don't know how to respond or react when someone is being vulnerable with us about their struggle. I think it's a knee jerk response for when we don't know what to say to others. The dictionary defines "strong" as "able to withstand great force or pressure." When someone is hurting, I don't think it's necessarily force or pressure they are experiencing. I think it's pain, sadness, numbness, loss, loneliness (I could keep going but I'll stop here as I think you get the picture." I think it's invalidating to the experience they are going through. Personally, I have not felt  strong at all the ...

I was working with a young lady who suffered from an eating disorder. She often spoke of being afraid of making mistakes, not being good enough, not making the right choices, etc. In a sense, all the things in life that she was fearful of.  After a couple weeks of working intensely with her, it hit me! She wasn't afraid of failing... She was honestly already "failing" with remaining in her eating disorder, suicidal thoughts and self-harm. What she was afraid of was succeeding.  Stay with me here. While remaining in her disorder, she was actually failing. She was unable to engage in life, socialize with friends, and be a "normal" teenager! If she made the decision to keep down her current path, she would continue to be failing. So I asked her point blank- "do you have a fear of failing, or a fear of succeeding?" She was quiet for a couple minutes and then said it was fear of success. See, if she remained in her disorder, she could continue to blame her ...

So I am starting yoga teacher training this October. Not necessarily because I want to be a yoga teacher but because I want to enrich my life and apply more yogic principles to my work as a therapist. See, there are eight limbs of yoga and only one of them is the physical practice of yoga (name as asana). More on that later though.  I was having a conversation with a good friend of mine (also a yogi) about her struggle with standing leg poses. I jokingly asked her about her drishti  (focal point) as without having one, you are certain to lose your balance and fall over.  Well, this got me thinking. We need a drishti for balance. We need a focus for balance. So if you find yourself feeling as if your life is out of sorts and unbalanced... Ask yourself this question... What is your drishti?  If you aren't sure or don't have one, that may be the very problem! So I invite everyone to find their drishti and start to bring balance into your life! 

Would anyone be interested in a book club/discussion facilitated on here? Thinking I could select a book that would cultivate self-growth and we could discuss on here. Thoughts? Anyone interested?

Numb. A word I hear quite often. According to the dictionary, numb means "incapable of action or of feeling emotion."  We often engage in many varieties of behaviors in order to numb ourselves.  This is interesting though.... We could be more susceptible to damage when we are numb because we aren't giving ourselves permission to feel. Think about it... Say you hold an ice cube until your hand is numb, you likely won't feel anything if someone touches it or hurts it. Same thing with out emotions and feelings. When we are numb, we are disengaged and detached. From ourselves and from relationships. What are we avoiding by numbing ourselves? How are we numbing ourselves? What would it look like if you gave yourself permission to actually check in with yourself and see how you were feeling or what experiences are happening all around you! Numbing is just another way to avoid. Life will still catch up with you, I promise. But would you rather be more prepared? More engaged?...