Fear of Failure... Or Fear of Success...

I was working with a young lady who suffered from an eating disorder. She often spoke of being afraid of making mistakes, not being good enough, not making the right choices, etc. In a sense, all the things in life that she was fearful of. 

After a couple weeks of working intensely with her, it hit me! She wasn't afraid of failing... She was honestly already "failing" with remaining in her eating disorder, suicidal thoughts and self-harm. What she was afraid of was succeeding. 

Stay with me here. While remaining in her disorder, she was actually failing. She was unable to engage in life, socialize with friends, and be a "normal" teenager! If she made the decision to keep down her current path, she would continue to be failing. So I asked her point blank- "do you have a fear of failing, or a fear of succeeding?"

She was quiet for a couple minutes and then said it was fear of success. See, if she remained in her disorder, she could continue to blame her unhealthy and risky behaviors on her disorder. She wouldn't have to hold herself accountable for her actions! Let's be honest, why accept responsibility for a bad choice we make when we could just easily blame it on a dysfunctional part of us. 

However, she really wanted to recover. She was tired of all the "rules" that her eating disorder told her daily and the constant barrage of disparaging comments told to her. Once she was able to admit that she was worried about giving up her disorder and living a functional and "normal" life without it, she was able to make huge steps forward in her recovery! 

I also realized this concept applied for my own life with regards to goals and dreams. It seems easier to stay complacent and not take risks and live a life ruled by fear instead of admitting to ourselves that taking a risk, living life with fear is a way to overcome our fears. 

What would you do if you knew you wouldn't fail? Even better... "what's worth trying even if you do fail?" 

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