That pesky "f" word again....
Fear. Such an interesting word. It can be consuming, keep us trapped, helpless, hopeless. I've learned in the last 2 years that I needed to change the way I approached things in life. I can either let fear define me OR I can embrace my fear {as I've talked about before several times on here}. So what do we do when a feeling is triggered {hate that word} that causes us to freeze and makes us fearful?
Recently, some feelings were stirred up for me and ones that I didn't even realize I was struggling with. These included feelings of abandonment and rejection..oh and I did mention that this also caused an onset of trust issues that I have never struggled with before? Good times! Ha ha!
I don't think I realized how abandoned I felt after my most recent trauma occurred and began processing those feelings with my therapist (yes, I see a therapist). I've always struggled with what Brene Brown calls the "scarcity" problem, never feeling good enough, and those feelings were just amplified recently. I realized I needed some time alone. To sit with myself. Be with myself. Face some inner demons that I try to keep hidden and quiet. But how?
Be careful what you wish for... an opportunity arose... go to India to teach yoga for a week. Well, I thought it was to just teach yoga. Turns out, it was to co-lead a 50 hour Yin Yoga Teaching Training!!! What the???? So I decide to take advantage of the opportunity that was presented to me... go to India. Yet another whirlwind trip to the other side of the world. If you are a close friend of mine or family member, you know I was an ANXIOUS MESS before this trip. It came together in less than a month. I bought my plane ticket 2 weeks before I left... I had to start taking malaria and typhoid pills! I was traveling alone... something I haven't done since I was 19 years old and went to Canada... very different from India.
But I did it. I went to India. Alone. I landed at 2:30 in the morning there and took a 90 minute cab ride to an ashram and prayed I wasn't being sold into sex slavery (got to love having anxiety! ha ha).
What a week though! I had the most amazing and life-changing experience over there. I was fortunate enough to have a room alone where I was able to pray, meditate and reflect. I had to sit with myself. Truly be with myself. How many of you can say you've done that? We had limited access to internet over there, an hour a day. So no distractions on being on Facebook or Instagram or other time wasters. I had the amazing opportunity to meet like-minded individuals from all over the world, sitting around, talking about life and experiences. Being fully present with people. Mindful sunrise walks with the Indian Ocean beside me. Watching the sunset in complete silence with new friends on my last night. Walking to the beach and just sitting comfortably in silence with my fellow co-teachers who I had just met. That's what life is about. It's not about how many material possessions we have, but about what experiences we have. What ignites the fire within us. What we are passionate about. What our values are. Being confident with our path, even if it's against the norm and doesn't adhere to societal expectations, or even family expectations and norms.
I gained and learned more about myself during that week is more than I have gained and learned in any other experience in my life. Talk about embracing fear! It take a lot to be able to sit with yourself, without any distractions and to be ok with yourself. I learned I crave a simpler life... no makeup, hair a mess, justing being. Not doing.... being...
Another lesson I gained was the importance of traveling alone. I felt so confident doing so. The people I met in airports and had the honor of speaking with. Everyone on their own journeys. Of course, I completely understand that not everyone has the opportunity to go out of the country alone for a week, but I beg of you! Go somewhere alone! A hotel in your city, something! Turn off your phone! Sit and be with yourself. Be ok with the path you are on. Do you. Follow your passions. It brings me such incredible joy to be around people who have fun and are truly passionate about their lives. Who gives a fuck if it's different. Be yourself! Please! Embrace your journey. Embrace your flaws. Embrace your fear and allow it to propel you to your next adventure! What is really holding you back?
Recently, some feelings were stirred up for me and ones that I didn't even realize I was struggling with. These included feelings of abandonment and rejection..oh and I did mention that this also caused an onset of trust issues that I have never struggled with before? Good times! Ha ha!
I don't think I realized how abandoned I felt after my most recent trauma occurred and began processing those feelings with my therapist (yes, I see a therapist). I've always struggled with what Brene Brown calls the "scarcity" problem, never feeling good enough, and those feelings were just amplified recently. I realized I needed some time alone. To sit with myself. Be with myself. Face some inner demons that I try to keep hidden and quiet. But how?
Be careful what you wish for... an opportunity arose... go to India to teach yoga for a week. Well, I thought it was to just teach yoga. Turns out, it was to co-lead a 50 hour Yin Yoga Teaching Training!!! What the???? So I decide to take advantage of the opportunity that was presented to me... go to India. Yet another whirlwind trip to the other side of the world. If you are a close friend of mine or family member, you know I was an ANXIOUS MESS before this trip. It came together in less than a month. I bought my plane ticket 2 weeks before I left... I had to start taking malaria and typhoid pills! I was traveling alone... something I haven't done since I was 19 years old and went to Canada... very different from India.
But I did it. I went to India. Alone. I landed at 2:30 in the morning there and took a 90 minute cab ride to an ashram and prayed I wasn't being sold into sex slavery (got to love having anxiety! ha ha).
What a week though! I had the most amazing and life-changing experience over there. I was fortunate enough to have a room alone where I was able to pray, meditate and reflect. I had to sit with myself. Truly be with myself. How many of you can say you've done that? We had limited access to internet over there, an hour a day. So no distractions on being on Facebook or Instagram or other time wasters. I had the amazing opportunity to meet like-minded individuals from all over the world, sitting around, talking about life and experiences. Being fully present with people. Mindful sunrise walks with the Indian Ocean beside me. Watching the sunset in complete silence with new friends on my last night. Walking to the beach and just sitting comfortably in silence with my fellow co-teachers who I had just met. That's what life is about. It's not about how many material possessions we have, but about what experiences we have. What ignites the fire within us. What we are passionate about. What our values are. Being confident with our path, even if it's against the norm and doesn't adhere to societal expectations, or even family expectations and norms.
I gained and learned more about myself during that week is more than I have gained and learned in any other experience in my life. Talk about embracing fear! It take a lot to be able to sit with yourself, without any distractions and to be ok with yourself. I learned I crave a simpler life... no makeup, hair a mess, justing being. Not doing.... being...
Another lesson I gained was the importance of traveling alone. I felt so confident doing so. The people I met in airports and had the honor of speaking with. Everyone on their own journeys. Of course, I completely understand that not everyone has the opportunity to go out of the country alone for a week, but I beg of you! Go somewhere alone! A hotel in your city, something! Turn off your phone! Sit and be with yourself. Be ok with the path you are on. Do you. Follow your passions. It brings me such incredible joy to be around people who have fun and are truly passionate about their lives. Who gives a fuck if it's different. Be yourself! Please! Embrace your journey. Embrace your flaws. Embrace your fear and allow it to propel you to your next adventure! What is really holding you back?
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