Attachment
Attachment.
It's a word I hear frequently in my work as a psychotherapist and as a yoga teacher. As a therapist, I've used it in the context of an individual having an attachment disorder, unable to bond with others. This can be a result of many things, abandonment, neglect, or abuse just to name a few. There are attachment disorders which can result in a myriad of issues during one's life. However, I am not going to be focusing on these types of disorders today.
Today, I want to focus on the concept of "non-attachment" which is something that is always buzzing around in the yoga world. Long story short here with some Yoga History... there are 8 limbs of yoga... the physical practice of yoga (asana) is just ONE of the ways to practice yoga. There are many other ways, including the Yamas and Niyamas, which is basically the "dos and don'ts" in life. It's like a moral compass if you will. Aparigraha is one of the Yamas and it essentially means not taking more than you need, acting greedy, or becoming overly attached to material goods and things.
Well, I am noticing an extreme of this. And the dialectical therapist within me, is quite aware that extremes rarely work in life and that things are usually not black and white. I am seeing more and more of this "non-attachment" attitude which I find disheartening. I feel as if we do need attachments in life. We can't go through this life alone and need people in our tribe. I've seen friends question how much of a yogi they are if they become upset about a situation or don't get something they desire in life. I feel this is damaging because we are not honoring our feeling and in turn, violating another Yama, (Ahimsa which means non-violence, including towards ourselves). We are hurting ourselves when we do not honor and acknowledge feelings that we are experiencing. It is OK to admit that we are disappointed if we don't get the promotion, a trip falls through. It is HUMAN to experience sadness if we are let go from a job, a relationship ends, or someone passes away.
Let's take a step back and apply some mindfulness to this concept and not get "overly attached" to certain ideas or things we want in life. For example, if I convince myself that I will only be a complete person and my life will have meaning if I obtain X or Y, and that doesn't happen to me... of course I'll be devastated. So it's the OVER-attachment that is cause for concern. Let's look at this basic definition of attachment - "affection, fondness, or sympathy for someone or something." In my opinion, there is absolutely nothing wrong with these feelings for someone or something. It is what makes us human! To deny these can only do us a disservice!
So if you find yourself getting upset with yourself for being attached to someone or something, just take a breathe and reevaluate the intensity or level of this attachment. Don't talk yourself out of your feelings by having a fondness. You are NOT less of a yogi for doing this! You are honoring yourself by using your voice and expressing and identifying your feelings! I work with sooo many clients on using their voices to express their feeling instead of unhealthy and dangerous behaviors.
It's a word I hear frequently in my work as a psychotherapist and as a yoga teacher. As a therapist, I've used it in the context of an individual having an attachment disorder, unable to bond with others. This can be a result of many things, abandonment, neglect, or abuse just to name a few. There are attachment disorders which can result in a myriad of issues during one's life. However, I am not going to be focusing on these types of disorders today.
Today, I want to focus on the concept of "non-attachment" which is something that is always buzzing around in the yoga world. Long story short here with some Yoga History... there are 8 limbs of yoga... the physical practice of yoga (asana) is just ONE of the ways to practice yoga. There are many other ways, including the Yamas and Niyamas, which is basically the "dos and don'ts" in life. It's like a moral compass if you will. Aparigraha is one of the Yamas and it essentially means not taking more than you need, acting greedy, or becoming overly attached to material goods and things.
Well, I am noticing an extreme of this. And the dialectical therapist within me, is quite aware that extremes rarely work in life and that things are usually not black and white. I am seeing more and more of this "non-attachment" attitude which I find disheartening. I feel as if we do need attachments in life. We can't go through this life alone and need people in our tribe. I've seen friends question how much of a yogi they are if they become upset about a situation or don't get something they desire in life. I feel this is damaging because we are not honoring our feeling and in turn, violating another Yama, (Ahimsa which means non-violence, including towards ourselves). We are hurting ourselves when we do not honor and acknowledge feelings that we are experiencing. It is OK to admit that we are disappointed if we don't get the promotion, a trip falls through. It is HUMAN to experience sadness if we are let go from a job, a relationship ends, or someone passes away.
Let's take a step back and apply some mindfulness to this concept and not get "overly attached" to certain ideas or things we want in life. For example, if I convince myself that I will only be a complete person and my life will have meaning if I obtain X or Y, and that doesn't happen to me... of course I'll be devastated. So it's the OVER-attachment that is cause for concern. Let's look at this basic definition of attachment - "affection, fondness, or sympathy for someone or something." In my opinion, there is absolutely nothing wrong with these feelings for someone or something. It is what makes us human! To deny these can only do us a disservice!
So if you find yourself getting upset with yourself for being attached to someone or something, just take a breathe and reevaluate the intensity or level of this attachment. Don't talk yourself out of your feelings by having a fondness. You are NOT less of a yogi for doing this! You are honoring yourself by using your voice and expressing and identifying your feelings! I work with sooo many clients on using their voices to express their feeling instead of unhealthy and dangerous behaviors.
Great read! Love to be reminded to still feel but reevaluate the intensity. Thanks for sharing!
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