The "S" Word

My mom loves telling this story... When I was little, around 5 or so, I came running up to my mom exclaiming "Beau (my younger brother) just said the "f" word!!!" My mother was shocked and apparently started saying she couldn't believe my brother (just 2 years younger) would say something like that and where on earth would he have learned a word like that! I shook my head and said "not THAT 'f' word mommy... The OTHER 'f' word!!!"
Mom said "what other word is there?!?!" And I responded, well, it's not ladylike and my mom would have a fit if I wrote it on here, but my brother said a word that is also used to describe "passing gas." To this day, THAT "f" word is one of the most offensive words you can say to my mom! 
 
However, I'd like to talk about the "other s" word. And since we are talking about therapy, there are a couple words likely floating around in your head (ahem- shame)! Don't worry, I'm not going to go there (yet) but today I do want to talk about "should."

I have really come to realize how damaging that word is. I know cringe when I hear it and if you have ever been in a group with me, I have likely called you out for "shoulding" on yourself or someone else. So why is this word so harmful, damaging, and shaming? It's because of the often unspoken follow up of "but I'm not..."  It's judgmental and leaves us feeling that we are not enough. It tells us we need to be doing more than we already are! We are not accepting reality when we should. I believe it promotes shame due to acknowledging that we are not doing something that is obviously important to us! 

Ok, so I should on myself a lot. What now? First, be mindful (aware) of when you do should on yourself! Don't beat yourself up either when you catch yourself. So when you do catch yourself, focus on the benefit of what you need to be doing. The "why." Using my own personal example... Instead of "I should go to yoga" try "I feel more grounded/balanced/calm when I go to yoga."  When telling ourselves we should or shouldn't feel a certain way, rephrase it to "Ok, I'm feeling ______, I wonder what's going on?" Start accepting and exploring reality instead of fighting and resisting it! 

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